What The
by zyrea
Summary: Yusei and the gang stumble onto the Dark Signers hideout and are a little weirded out.  Not going to be continued, see 'Snippets'.Just an experiment to try and work out what's up with my email


Yeah, possibly the last time I set out to deliberately try and write humour. Can't think of what to do next, but I'd love to see it finished. Not actually a crossover (yet). Ah well.

Possible inaccuracies all over the place. Because I couldn't be bothered to go and check.

WTF

Yusei and the gang find the lair of the dark signers in the post-battle clear up. It's not quite what they expected...

'Who put cream cheese all over my duel disk?'

'Um...guys, Why is Kalin tied upside-down swinging from the ceiling?'

'Don't worry about it honey, I'll explain later.'

'But he won't stop laughing. I think he's going to choke...'

'ROMAN'S A DICK'

'KALIN PUT THE FUCKING SCREWDRIVER DOWN!'

'Learn to spell dipshit.'

'Hey Kalin, will you teach me to ride my duel runner?'

'Kalin?'

'Kalin?'

XXxXX

It was the aftermath of the debacle with the Dark Signers. Official looking people in suits had come over from New Domino City and talked together in hushed, serious voices, before calling in other official looking people with measuring equipment, before they all talked together again. In the rest of Satellite people were getting on with their lives. The destruction of buildings and roads was easily worked around, the town hadn't exactly been in mint condition before the duels, but now there was more incentive to rebuild the place and make things better. As bad as the place had been before, many areas of Satellite just weren't that safe to live in structurally anymore.

That was exactly what Yusei, jack and Crow were helping to do. For the moment they were staying with Martha again, with almost daily visits from their friends. Many had not expected the three to stay, especially Jack, but there was an underlying sense of duty and guilt that pushed them to help out their old home.

The three duellists weren't alone in this, however, and many members of Sector Security could be seen working alongside ordinary citizens, all overseen by the watchful eye of one Officer Trudge. The cleanup had been organised zone by zone, beginning with a walkthrough and exploration of the area, which had to be done before any real work could be begun.

Today was one of those days. Akiza, the twins, Carly and Mina had flown over earlier, and had met up with Yusei, Crow and Jack at Martha's. It hadn't been long before Trudge had joined them, claiming to want to ask them to help survey one of the outer areas.

The group had been walking around for about an hour when they found it. Well, not really 'found' it. Jack and Crow had just started bickering; no one was quite sure what over when, turning sharply, mouth open, Jack had disappeared.

Crow stared, mouth hanging open. It wasn't until Carly looked around, wondering why Jack hadn't said anything, that the rest of the gang noticed the blond was gone.

"Jack? Where are you? Jack? JACK?"

Well, squealing that high pitched would alert anybody.

"What's wrong?"

"Where did he go?"

"Jack?"

"Quiet!" Yusei sighed, taking control. "Alright Crow, what's happened?"

The red head turn wide eyes on Yusei. "I don't know! He was right there, being an asshole one second and the next he's gone!"

Any more comments and questions were interrupted by faint swearing. Heads snapped around, looking frantically for the missing blond.

"Jack? Where are you?"

There was a short pause as everyone hushed, then:

"I'm down here, morons. Use your blasted eyes."

Trudge scowled as everyone rushed to the now-visible hole in the ground. Just when he'd gotten Mina _away _from that...

XXxXX

Getting Jack out of the hole in the ground was apparently not going to happen. Although the blond had assured them (bitched) that he was fine, he was also tall, and wore a ridiculously flared coat that, quite apart from being a stupid thing to when exploring what amounted to a bombsite (it was _white_ for God's sake, but would he take it off?) tended to get caught on things at the worst possible times...

So it was soon decided that if Jack wasn't coming up, then the rest of them would just have to go down. This was more a case of Leo getting excited and tripping so that he fell into the gap more than actually making a decision, but that didn't really matter now did it?

Yusei was the next to go down through the gap in the ground, soon followed by Crow, who was grumbling about attention seeking idiots. No one thought to question how they were all fitting in the tiny space as Akiza made to slither down. At least, they didn't until the ground started sinking. Before anyone could make a sound the wine-haired girl had hit the ground, and it gave way beneath them.

It was dark. That was the first thing Yusei noticed. The second thing was that Jack's (it had to be Jack, it was fucking _pointy_) knee was digging into his kidneys, and that Leo was sitting on his head. He groaned, but it was muffled beneath the press of bodies that he had somehow managed to get to the bottom of.

"Oh sorry!" There were scrambling noises, groaning and cursing, before Yusei found himself free. It was still dark, but at least he could breathe now.

"Where are we?" Leo wondered from somewhere to his left.

The brunette duellist sat up slowly, letting his eyes adjust. "Everyone okay?" he wheezed slightly. "Crow, you want to go see if you can talk to Trudge, see if they can get a rope or something?"

"On it Yusei. Sorry about landing on your back, by the way."

"Don't worry about it." It came much more naturally this time, and Yusei climbed to his feet, reaching for the outline of what he thought was a table to steady himself. His eyes had finally adjusted, and he could make out shapes and outlines around them.

"So what now? Are we just going to wait around or are we actually going to do something?" Jack, whose white clothing was turning him into a tall torch, snorted.

"Well it's not like we can get back out the way we came," Crow commented, having just returned. "They've already got a rope set up. Carly and Luna are on their way down, but only because they're the smallest. None of us could get back up, some of that rubble looks really jagged."

"Alright. We'll wait until they get down, then go see if there's another way out." Yusei leaned back against the table. They were in some sort of room, but there didn't seem to be much in it besides them.

"There's a door over here!" Akiza's voice rang from the opposite end of the room. "It's already hanging open; it must have been damaged like the roof."

Any response was interrupted by two thumps and a sudden blinding burst of light.

"Gah! Carly, point that _the other way._"

"Sorry!" The light dimmed as it was swung away. "Trudge gave us a couple of the torches from the Security car. He said he'd try to get the gap secured but he wasn't sure how long it would take."

"Well we'll just have to recue ourselves!" Leo cheered, Luna at his side, apparently satisfied that her brother hadn't hurt himself _too_ much.

"Okay, Akiza, what about that door?" Yusei said as he resigned himself to another mini-adventure. After all, it couldn't be too bad, and there had to be another way out of here. It was just another building, right?

XXxXX

It was the doodles that first tipped them off that this wasn't any ordinary building. Sure, graffiti was fairly normal in Satellite, but this was almost like a running commentary in pictures, and of the weirdest stuff too...

"Guys, these designs are really familiar. Like, we saw them a couple weeks ago, familiar." Crow shifted uneasily. The yellow light of the torches lit the jagged lines and swirls that crept along the walls of the corridor. No one wanted to answer the red head, but it was clear that they all shared the same suspicion. The patterns continued through another doorway, and Yusei lifted his torch to the opposite wall slowly almost hesitantly.

...There was a giant foot descending on a monkey. Right there, in the middle of the wall. Actually, it was surprisingly good, in a cartoonish kind of way...

"Hey, that's my handwriting!"

Everyone swung around to see Carly had split off from the group and was examining a part of the wall to the right.

"This is the Dark Signers hideout!"

Silence.

"Actually, that sort of makes sense, if you ignore the foot." Akiza admitted. She moved to join Carly, and paused.

"What does it say?" Luna asked, curiosity overriding her slight fear of the building their past enemies had inhabited.

"'#Where's the hot sauce#?'"

"...Hot Sauce?" Jack broke the awkward silence this time.

"That...does not seem to be the weirdest thing on here..." Akiza straighten, taking Carly's torch as she did. Slowly she swung it so the beam of light passed over the every cinch of the room.

It looked like a bored, demented school kid's notebook. The room, more of a hall, was covered in scrawls, scribbles and doodles. There were a few sheets of paper scattered around the place, and even the long table hadn't been spared. Right at the centre of the table was...

'HERE'S KALIN!' next to a carved chibi with its tongue sticking out and pulling its right eyelid down. There was a tiny bird scratched next to it, and what appeared to be a squashed spider beneath him.

"Well, at least we got the place right."

Yusei couldn't help but stare at the chibi. It was definitely Kalin, even without the deeply carved name to the side. Surely the Dark Signers hadn't been like this? Had his old friend really been this crazy?

"Looks like the Dark Signers weren't as gelled together as we thought." Akiza snorted.

They followed her line of light to-

'_Kalin I'm going to fucking KILL you'_. Beneath it, written in what they were coming to recognise as the former leader of Team Satisfaction's hand, was-

'Already dead asshole'

"Ok we are definitely staying here." Yusei couldn't help but agree. They all moved further into the room, heading in different directions, before Crow's sudden shout of laughter.

"Hey Yusei, looks like Kalin wasn't exactly always against you man!"

Yusei felt a spike of hope. While he knew Kalin was back to his old self, it still hurt that the other man had ever hated him. It was part of the reason the three former members of Team Satisfaction felt so obliged to help out around Satellite. It had been their town, with Kalin.

Jack stiffened from his place beside Yusei as they reached their red-head friend. Yusei nudged Crow to the side, and blinked at what he saw.

FORTUNE CUP FINALS

**Go Jack! **

Go Yusei!

**Dude, seriously? Jack is so much cooler.**

Nah, not really. 

**Why?**

Well...

**No, really, why?**

No offense man, but Jack's kind of a dick.

**What?**

Yeah, I mean look at all the shit he pulls, and the crap that comes out of his mouth. I mean really 'Master of Faster'? Come on.

**Well...**

Come on man, if that doesn't say 'dick and proud' I don't know what does.

**I suppose...**

Yeah. So anyway- Go Yusei!

**Yeah! Go Yusei!**

"That little- why the hell was he our friend again?" Jack raged from the side as the others crowded in to get a look.

"How did they even know about the fortune cup?"Luna wondered, giggling. "I mean it was a while before any of this, right?"

No one answered her, too busy sniggering. Jack stalked off to the other side of the room, still muttering angrily to himself.

"Oh come on Jack, it was probably just a joke." Carly followed after the blond. "Here, lets read something else."

The brunette girl grabbed Jack's hand, still clutching his own torch, and brought it up

_**THINGS KALIN IS NOT ALOWED TO DO IN/AROUND THE BASE/ **__**AT ALL**_

"Wow..."

**Kalin, stop cackling. It really does freak everyone out.**

_No Kalin, you can not have a kitten. You'd kill it._

_Stop drawing on the damn walls!_

This was accompanied by a hasty doodle of a deformed monkey being sat on by a giant. Yusei and Crow, having wandered over with the rest of the group, were beginning to work out how their insane friend's mind had worked under the influence of the Immortals...

{_Stop it with the cream cheese and ketchup. Please. Duel Disks are not meant to bleed.}_

"The hell...?" Crow was beginning to look a little freaked out.

**Leave the New Girl alone Kalin. I don't care if she's been paired up against Atlas, she does not need to know that he cried in his sleep!**

'No Kalin! Tell Me!

Sorry New Girl, but hey, you wanna here the Lizard/noodle story?

"The fuck? He swore he'd never tell that to anyone!"

Kalin, no. You cannot have minions. Leave it to the spider guy.

Stop calling me spider guy. Damnit Kalin! Stop infecting everyone with your crazy!

**You want to make that a rule, spider guy? I think it'll have just as much impact as the rest of them.**

Mwahahahahahah

{_Oh netherking, he's managed to put the cackle into writing}_

That's just how awesome I am

XXxXX

Sometimes I wonder about myself...


End file.
